How to Give a Whovian a Heart Attack

Today nerds everywhere (myself included) hold their collective breath (there is no inhaler shortage) to find out who the next Doctor is. My wife is also one such nerd and this happened this morning:

Me: Hey babe, I have a Doctor Who question for you. Do you know who Martin Freeman is?

Jia: Yeah he's Watson on Sherlock and Bilbo Baggins.

Me: Not anymore!

Jia: What? WHAT?!

Me: That was too easy! You weren't even sounding like you. You sounded like Gabriel Iglesias' version of you!

In fairness to her it's really early for us to be up so I did at least get to put a smile on her sleepy face, however fleeting, so it was worth it. . . For me anyway.

The Wolverine: A Nice Surprise

I have purposely been shielding myself from reviews and insights on The Wolverine because the hype machine really got me pumped for the last Wolverine film, and I've never been more disappointed in a Marvel movie than I was with X-Men Origins: Wolverine, (The video game though was actually quite good.) 

On a scale of Spider-Man 3 (lowest) to Avengers (highest),  X-Men Origins: Wolverine got a Superman Returns. The Wolverine on the other hand gets a cushy place between Batman Begins and The Amazing Spider-Man. And that's a good thing.

That said, The Wolverine was a breathe of fresh air in the tumultuous wave-like quality of the X-Men movies that plummeted with X-Men 3 and X-Men Origins: Wolverine but started an upward climb with X-Men First Class, (a movie in which Wolverine's cameo was a bright spot in an already good film.)

The Wolverine is basically a character study in "what's next for the hero?"

After the events of X-Men 3, Wolverine deals with the repercussions of being the hero and (spoiler alert) killing Jean Grey who had given into the Phoenix Force, becoming the X-Men's worst villain to date.

The movie opens with Wolverine dreaming and remembering the past; reliving actions taken during WWII, where he saved the life of a Japanese soldier. Decades later this soldier goes on to become a very powerful technology magnate and summons Wolverine to his deathbed in Japan. He tells Wolverine that his "curse" of healing and never aging can be transferred and that he wants to be the recipient. Wolverine declines, but regardless, his healing factor is ultimately compromised. From there Wolverine begins his adventures in Japan, wounded and pissed.

There is so much lore from the comics that my inner (mostly outer) geek was thrilled to see so much of the lore. Wolverine is described as a ronin; a master-less samurai. Somewhat romanticized in Japan and it's a perfect description. He's lonely, deadly, emotionally wounded, and drop dead fucking sexy, all elements from the comics that make his character so well beloved.

The lack of being faithful to the books has always been my biggest complaint with comic movies. The stories are there, they are already written. The writers who do the adapting should have an easy job, but they still needlessly change things (ie: the terrible characterization of Deadpool, Superman having a son, Rogue dating Iceman, Spider-Man's "organic" web-shooters, nipples on the Bat-suit, etc.)

There are still some changes made in The Wolverine, but not anything detrimental. In fact it's a short list: Wolverine has a very long Japanese history and speaks Japanese in the comics whereas in the movie he does not. Mariko has a step-brother (Keniuchio Harada) whom in the comics is the mutant, Silver Samurai. He is not in the movie, and they write around him using other family members for story elements. Ultimately Silver Samurai (as seen in the trailer) is an eight foot tall robot in the film.

Favorite Parts of the Movie, (though the whole film was quite enjoyable):

• Anything with Rila Fukushima as the red haired Japanese beauty, Yukio. Her character feels so honest and she simply elevates every scene she's in. 
• I love that the people at Fox and the overseers over the X-men franchise save their single use of "Fuck" in their PG-13 movies for Wolverine himself to say. It makes him that much more bad-ass, singling him out that way. 
• BONECLAWS!
• (Bit of a spoiler here) Jean Grey has a thru-line, not just a quick cameo. Her memory is Wolverine's mental reminder that he's put so many people in the ground and he continues to walk the earth. Jean Grey = Survivor's guilt

As a comic fan, (or as a good movie fan) I definitely recommend The Wolverine.

Also, stay through the credits. It's a Marvel movie and you don't want to miss who shows up, and for that matter why they show up.

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Disclosure: This is a non-sponsored review. All product was purchased by me and the purpose of this review is based solely on my love for the product/company. No product or monetary compensation was given to me by said company. 

Ch-Ch-Changes For The Amazing Spider-Matt and Blog

I've spent the last two months marathoning the last two seasons of Supernatural actively planning the future of my blog. I want my readers to be able to come here and feel welcome. I want my readers to feel like there can be a community of geeks (of all varieties) here. I hope to also get blog posts out with more consistency.

Enter the wife with OCD and a knack (and obsession) with scheduling.

The calendar is planned, and the future of The Amazing Spider-Matt is written (or typed to be more accurate). Here are some things to look forward to in the coming month for this site:

Retro Game Recap

Thank to the guys down at Gamers Anonymous, I am now the proud owner of an Two-in-One NES/SNES system and a growing stack of retro games from the days of yore (ie: 80's and 90's). Each Tuesday I'll be bringing you up to speed on the great games of the past that still exist in our hearts and eBay.

Comic Book Corner

Would you believe I've actually been requested by readers to talk about comics? Well it's true. There's a little True Believer in all of us and every Thursday I'll be sharing my favorite issues that week, in addition to helping the growing generation of comic book geeks learn their history.

Monthly Marathons

A few years ago I forced my wife to sit down and watch the Aliens movies all in one day. Since then we've made a tradition out of marathons, including the Saw movies and Paranormal Activity for Halloween, and Star Wars this past May the Fourth be With You. Because we got such a good response from people after our Star Wars celebration, we've decided to make this a monthly event. The first weekend of each month we'll be pulling out the great movie collections and live tweeting as we watch them.

Most of the movies will correspond with the theatrical release of the next in the collection, and we'll be letting everyone know ahead of time so you can all join in on the fun! To end July with a bang, today we'll be breaking out the Three Flavours Trilogy (also called the Blood and Ice Cream trilogy or the Cornetto trilogy). A series of films directed by Edgar Wright and starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, consisting of Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz and to be released August 23rd in theaters, The World's End.

So tomorrow make sure you're following @AmzngSpiderMatt and @UntypicallyJia and use the hashtag #ThreeFlavours as we make our way through the first two installments of the trilogy (as well as Paul, for good measure).

Then get ready for next weekend (August 3-4) because we're digging into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles collection!

TV and Games and Life - Oh My!

I'll still be reviewing movies and games, and there's a list of catching up to do. Also, when The Walking Dead returns in October, you can bet I'll be there to recap and review my way through the herd of episodes.

In addition to all things geek and media, I really want to get more personally focused and talk a little bit more about me, after all, this is my blog. Since attending my first comic convention, I've really begun to examine my entire belief system as well as who I am as a person. It brings up how I was raised, how I've viewed others as a whole, how I have changed and how I would like to continue to change to ultimately not be so closed minded. In the end all it really took was introducing myself to one lone Gallifreyan, (a mad man with a box), to show me what acceptance could truly be like.

So when all else fails I guess I'll be asking, "What Would The Doctor Do?"

I look forward to the next few months, and with a massive amount of movie watching, comic reading and game playing on my schedule, I'll do my best to make blogging a priority. If there's anything you want to know, want me to review or recap for you, or if you just want to hang out on X-Box Live and shoot Locusts, my email is always open.

This is the End - When a 'Super Bad' Tornado Meets a 'Knocked Up' Volcano

The wife and I were lucky enough to get early passes to see the early screening of This is the End thanks to Gofobo. The staff presenting the picture was extra emphatic on keeping a lid on all the deep dark secrets, so while we were waiting in line to see the flick, security alerted us that we needed to take all electronics out to our cars to prevent anyone recording any bit of the movie.

For a movie about the end of the world, taking away cell phones is a good way to get people empathizing with the characters.

Before the movie started, we were told, "If any of you have somehow smuggled your cell phones in past security through any orifices, go ahead and keep them there because our security team has night vision goggles. And if you found that comment offensive, you should leave now because there is much, much worse in the actual movie."

So before I continue with this review, I'll go ahead and say that if you've seen Knocked Up, Pineapple Express, Super Bad, or Your Highness and found them offensive, you should go ahead and skip this movie. And maybe all other movies, because you have a bad taste in movies.

Since the audience took a blood oath not to spill the movie secrets (especially the super awesome secret amazing ending) this might be the first review at The Amazing Spider-Matt that is fairly spoiler free!

At it's core, This is the End is about friendship.

It's about how friends grow apart, and the difficulties of trying to hold onto the past and still changing yourself for the future. It's about survival, forgiveness, sacrifice and loyalty.

And it's about dicks and balls and weed and a lot of masturbation jokes.

The movie starts with Jay Baruchel (How to Train Your Dragon) returning to Los Angeles after a hiatus to visit long-time friend, Seth Rogen (Knocked Up), the two planning to have a weekend together. Plans are thrown out of whack when Seth decides to take Jay to James Franco's (Spider-Man Trilogy) housewarming party. There they meet up with the rest of the main cast: Craig Robinson (Hot Tub Time Machine), Jonah Hill (Super Bad), and Danny McBride (Your Highness). It's at this party that some of the funniest moments in the whole movie take place. The majority of the cast play versions of themselves and that's where a lot of the really good humor is.

Probably one of the funniest scenes in the movie is when Michael Cera (Arrested Development) - his movie self being a coke-fiend - asks Christopher Mintz-Plasse (aka McLovin) if his coke smells bad, blowing a handful of it into his face. In fact, any scene in the movie with Michael Cera is golden.

Midway through the party the end of the world hits the Hollywood Hills and after a mass decimation of most of the party goers, the new and old friends board up James Franco's house and try to survive Armaggedon and each other.

Great Moments in the Movie:

• Awesome celebrity cameos and casting choices, not the least of which is Emma Watson (Harry Potter Franchise) playing a bad ass Apocalypse fighting version of herself.
• I loved Hot Tub Time Machine, and Craig Robinson was one of my favorite actors in that. Getting to see him again in a movie was great. 
• The wife hates him, but I love Danny McBride. He can take a level of offensiveness higher than anyone else. He's pure guy humor. Danny McBride is kind of how dudes like to smell things and say, "Oh my god, this smells horrible. Here smell this." That's what Danny McBride is. That awful smell that you want to share with your friends.
• What happens when a group of actors get bored during the rapture? They make homemade sequels to their own movies of course. Hilarity ensues.

The movie reminded me of all the other great comedy movies I love. It even has a decent Clerks vibe thanks to Jay Baruchel who really comes across as having a "not even supposed to be there today" attitude. 

This is the End will be a definite see again in the theaters and Blu ray purchase if only for the expectations for some damn good Line-o-Ramas and Outtakes. Honestly, there are so many parts of the movie that I want to share but shouldn't. Because you should just go see it yourself. And then come back here and talk about it in the comments. 

This is the End officially comes to theaters June 12th.

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Disclosure: This is a non-sponsored review. Gofobo provided free tickets for the masses (and not for this review) and the purpose of this review is based solely on my love for the product/company. No product or monetary compensation was given to me by said company.

Game of Thrones: The Rains of Castamere

Heads up... This is a long one. It's a long episode; an important episode and it's hard to not skip any minor detail all things considering.

PS: If you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.

Remember, this is not a spoiler-free zone.

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Across the Narrow Sea:

A great penis measuring contest begins as Daario makes his affections for Daenerys obvious right in front of Jorah. And despite his character being kind of an ego boosted douchebag in the books . . . he's just . . . so pretty in the show. So pretty. And also age appropriate for our Mother of Dragons. 

Daario talks of a way into Yunkai that with a few of Daenerys' best men, they can open the gates and sack the city with great ease. Jorah vocalized his suspicion of Daario, who defends himself by saying that in his experience only dishonest men think in such a way. Regardless, with Grey Worm's trust of Daario, Daenerys sends he and Jorah with the leader of the Second Sons into the city of Yunkai. Ser Barristan offers to come along, but Jorah refuses, insisting that his place is protecting their Queen. Daario, Jorah and Grey Worm sneak into Yunkai and are immediately faced with many more guards than they'd expected. We're finally able to see Grey Worm and Daario in action and neither disappoint! Upon returning to camp, Jorah and Grey Worm eagerly inform Dany about their victory, smile upon face. While clearly pleased with the news, Dany is struck with the obvious missing person and asks, "And Daario Naharis?" practically making Jorah weep in the process. 

But no worries, Dany! Daario is alive and well! And still very, very pretty. Even covered in blood.

In the North:

It's all wall all the time! 

Sam and Gilly head south toward the Wall.

Bran, Rickon, Jojen, Meera, Osha and Hodor head north toward the Wall.

Jon, Ygritte and the Wildlings head south away from the wall.

Unfortunately for Jon, the time comes to prove himself to the Wildlings when they happen upon a horse breeder. The man, who is under the protection of the Nightswatch is alerted to the attack by Jon but is eventually run down to an abandoned mill by Tormund. Orell insists that Jon be the one to kill the man to prove himself loyal, but before Jon can do it (though it looked like he wasn't going to) Ygritte steps in and kills him. Jon and Ygritte are both ordered dead.

Just inside the old mill, Bran and his band of merry misfits take shelter from the storm outside (and from the approaching Wildlings). Thunder begins to scare Hodor who starts screaming. To avoid attracting attention from outside, Bran uses his warg abilities to jump into Hodors mind and knock him out cold. With the Wildlings still fighting outside, Bran is encouraged to jump into Summer, and with a lot of coaxing he does.

Outside, Jon faces off against Orell who just before his own death, leaps into the mind of his bird and then flies down and attacks Jon, scratching his face. Luckily several other Wildlings are held off as Bran - inside of Summer - jumps to aid Jon in the fight. Free of Orell and the bird, Jon takes a horse and rides away leaving a shocked Ygritte behind with Tormund.

Back inside the mill, now safe from the Wildlings Bran is informed by Osha and Jojen that no warg has ever been able to jump into a human before, not even north of the wall. Realizing the danger that they're all in and how important it is to find the three-eyed raven, Bran asks Osha to take Rickon and Shaggydog to the Last Hearth, the home of the Umber family where Rickon will be safe if something should happen to Bran. It's one last goodbye between Stark siblings, and now they're all separated into their own corners of the world. 

The Twins:

King Robb seeks advice from his mother about his plans to attack Casterly Rock. Despite knowing that their entire plan hangs on trusting Lord Walder Frey, Cat agrees to take the Lannisters home so that they will know what it's like to lose everything. At the Twins, Robb and his family and man take bread and salt from Walder Frey, a symbol of protection under the Lord and his House. Robb begs forgiveness for breaking his oath of marriage to one of Frey's daughters or granddaughters. Lord Frey insists that Robb apologize to the women themselves. Walder asks to see for himself the woman that Robb took as his Queen instead of one of his own children, and with Talisa before him, Walder makes rude comments about her body, insisting, "When I was your age, I'd have broken fifty oaths to get into that."

With the Frey girls all in plain view, Edmure gets more and more uneasy about his approaching wedding to one of them as none are up to the beauty standards he would have in a wife. Unfortunately for Edmure, the wedding is set to begin with Robb's army waiting outside the great hall. 

On their way to the Twins, Arya and the Hound approach a cart merchant who the Hound knocks unconscious and attempts to kill in order to commandeer his cart to provide a disguise into the wedding. Arya pleads for the man's life. Sandor says that Arya is very kind, and one day it will get her killed. Once they are close enough to see the Twins, Arya becomes afraid and the Hound takes notice. 

Sandor: You check every five minutes like you're afraid they're going to move.
Arya: I'm not afraid.
Sandor: Of course you are. You're almost there. And you're afraid you won't make it. The closer you get, the worse the fear gets. No point in trying to hide behind that face. I know fear when I see it. I've seen it a lot.
Arya: I knew fear when I saw it in you. You're afraid of fire. When Berrics sword went up in flames you looked like a scared little girl. And I know why too. I heard what your brother did to you. Pressed your face to the fire like you were a nice juicy mutton chop.
Sandor: That give you some ideas?
Arya: Might do.
Sandor: Go ahead then. Might get away. Might even make it there on your own. They're just over the river. Closest you've been to family since Illyn Payne snipped your Daddy's neck.
Arya: Some day, I'm gonna put a sword through your eye and out the back of your skull 

No joke. I had to put that whole dialogue right there because it is amazing. For a split second, the Hound jumps down to her level of teasing and picking, as best he can and then suddenly this little Stark girl becomes frightening. And you can see it in his face. And it's amazing.

Inside the Twins, Walder Frey marries his daughter Roslin to Edmure Tully, who is more than happy to receive her once her veil is removed and she's proved to be far more beautiful than any of her sisters or nieces. With the wedding over, the celebration begins. Edmure enjoys being doted on by his new bride, Catelyn entertains her uncle, the Blackfish and Roose Bolton, and Robb enjoys a moment with his wife who decides that when they have a son, his name will be Eddard.  Unlike Tyrion and Sansa's wedding, this one goes forth with the traditional bedding ceremony as Roslin and Edmure are carried out of the hall, clothes being torn from their bodies. 

With bride and groom escorted away, (and the Blackfish off finding a tree to piss on) the doors are locked behind them and the band begins to play 'The Rains of Castamere' a well known Lannister victory song. Catelyn immediately looks suspicious and turns to Roose Bolton who reveals that he's wearing chainmail. Realizing they've been betrayed, Catelyn tries to warn her son but it's too late and archers rain down arrows on the Starks from above just as a man stabs Talisa repeatedly in the stomach.

Outside, Arya sneaks away from the Hound to find her mother and brother, only to watch in horror as Robb's men are slaughtered outside. Desperate to find a friend or family member, Arya hears Grey Wind barking inside a locked stable. But before she has a chance to free him, the direwolf is killed by several archers. Before she can get to her family, the Hound finds her and clubs her in the head in order to get her away safely.

Taking an arrow in the shoulder herself, Catelyn crawls across the room where she finds Walder Frey's young wife hiding underneath a table. Grabbing the girl by the hair, she drags her into the open and puts a blade to her throat, threatening her in order to hopefully spare her sons life. She pleads for Robb to run, but with his wife and child dead and his own wounds preventing him, Robb calls out, "Mother?" before being stabbed through the chest by Roose Bolton himself saying, "The Lannisters send their regards."

With what she believes is her last living child killed before her eyes, Catelyn in a rage murders Walder Frey's wife, screaming out in grief just before she herself is killed.

And just to rub salt in the wound, there isn't even any music during the credits. As though they really wanted us to reflect on what just happened. They call it The Red Wedding. It's something fans have been dreading for months. The Amazing Spider-Matt has never had much love for Cat or Robb in the first place, but once it was over, he turned to me and said, "I know I've been an ass about The Red Wedding, but that was horrible."

Though there were quite a few changes from book to show this episode, I'm not going to comment on them out of respect for the dead.

Best Character: It seems almost disrespectful not to pick Catelyn. Even if you dislike the character (and I did for a long while), you have to give it up for Michelle Fairley in this episode during her portrayal of Cat watching her eldest son die, and then living out her last moments in complete violent rebellion. 

Best Line: "Keep this one safe, he means the world to me." Osha. I know in a Robb/Cat centered episode I should be focusing on all the great and sad moments at the Twins, but I don't want to. I've been prepared for the Red Wedding since I read it in the book, and frankly I'd rather focus on the good moments of the episode, and for some reason I was massively touched by Osha's affection for Bran in this moment as she tells to Reed children to take care of him.

We'll see you next Sunday for the season finale of Game of Thrones.

Game of Thrones: Second Sons

It's been a crazy few weeks filled with lots of busy-work and lazy-work. And despite the pain I feel over recent Game of Thrones episodes, I'm determined to post the recaps for you all.

Remember, this is not a spoiler-free zone.

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Riverlands:

Arya, recently kidnapped by the Hound stands over Sandor's body with a large rock in hand, ready to strike. Waking up, he warns her, "I'll give you one try girl. Kill me and you're free. But if I live, I'll break both your hands." Choosing wisely, Arya puts down the rock. The two mount Clegane's horse and head on the road where the Hound tells Arya about the time he saved Sansa from a group of rapists and murderers. Arya asks if the body of water ahead is the Blackwater, to which the Hound responds, "Where do you think I'm taking you?" Assuming she was being returned to Kings Landing, Arya is happy to find out that Sandor is taking her to  the Twins, where her mother and brother are attending the wedding of Edmure Tully and Roslin Frey.

Across the Narrow Sea:

Daenerys is informed that the Yunkai have sought assistance from a group of mercenaries called the Second Sons. Dany meets with the leaders of the Second Sons: Mero of Braavos, called "The Titan's Bastard", Prendahl na Ghezn, and a Tyroshi called Daario Naharis. Mero leaves a bitter first impression by making inappropriate advances toward Missandei, which prompts Dany to request that Ser Barristan kill him first should they meet in battle. She requests that the Second Sons turn and fight for her and gives them two days to make a decision.

In their own camp, the three men speak alone about the problem Daenerys causes. Mero decides that Dany must be killed, and one of them will do it by sneaking into her camp at night and slipping past her Unsullied army. When the men draw for the job, it falls on Daario Naharis to make the kill. Daario enters Dany's tent late at night while she is being bathed (and educated in her Dothraki tongue) by Missandei. Daario tells Dany about the plot to kill her and then shows her the heads of Mero and Prendahl na Ghezn, then swears his loyalty to her cause.

Dragonstone:

Melissandre brings Gendry to Dragonstone where he meets his uncle, Stannis Barratheon for the first time who claims, "Half Robert, half low-born." Gendry is then offered chambers, wine and food. Stannis questions Melissandre's kindness to the boy, and she says that when slaughtering a lamb, if the lamb sees the knife and panics, the flavor in the meat spoils. Later, Stannis goes to visit Ser Davos who questions Melissandre's intentions to sacrifice Gendry. Knowing that Gendry is Stannis' nephew, he pleads with his King to spare the boy. Stannis ignores his plea, but frees him with the condition that he will never try to kill Melissandre again. 

In Gendry's chambers, Melissandre visits to feed him wine and other delights (like herself) and Gendry is enjoying it as much as the rest of us aren't. Seriously, massive creepiness. We've got women in King's Landing sleeping with their brothers and cousins, and now we've got priestesses in Dragonstone sleeping with uncles and nephews. Game of Thrones: fun for the whole family! Anyway . . . Melissandre ends up tying Gendry to the bed and placing leeches on him, an attempt to prove to Stannis (and Davos) the worth of a King's blood. The leeches are then sacrificed while uttering curses against the usurpers Robb Stark, Baelon Greyjoy and Joffrey Barratheon. 

Kings Landing:

Sansa readies for her wedding, as her betrothed (Tyrion) arrives to offer her condolences and wine. In the Sept of Baelor, Margaery tries to befriend Cersei after hearing news that the two will be "sisters" soon as Loras Tyrell is set to marry Cersei. The Queen Regent takes a moment to educate her new "sister" on the story behind the popular song, 'The Rains of Castamere'. A family, the Reynes sought to make themselves more powerful and wealthy by rebelling against the Lannisters. Tywin slaughtered House Reyne leaving their bodies hung on the gates of Casterly Rock during the long summer. Cersei then turns to Margaery and says, "If you ever call me sister again, I'll have you strangled in your sleep."

Ready to walk down the aisle, Sansa is shocked and horrified as Joffrey steps in her father's place as she no longer has a father and he is the father of the realm. The wedding, silent and mournful proceeds as Sansa stands beside Tyrion, who is then denied a stool by Joffrey to publicly mock him as he struggles to cloak his new bride in his House colors.

And this is where things get a little iffy in regards to Book vs Show. In the book, the wedding is told through Sansa's perspective. When Tyrion tugs at her dress, pleading with her to kneel so that he can cloak her, Sansa refuses multiple times. Since it's told from her perspective you can understand her reasoning. She's been a prisoner this whole time. Brutalized by Joffrey and his guards, only to be married off to a Lannister who might as well be the bastard of the Lannister family. Refusing to kneel is Sansa's one last act of rebellion. The one thing she can do. Of course we can't tell that in the show, and since Tyrion is kind of a fan favorite, having Sansa be the bad guy in the situation wouldn't do her character any good - hence the change.

The wedding feast begins and Tyrion gets a head start on drinking while Sansa sits by and watches in horror as her new husband makes a drunken fool of himself. Angered by his behavior, Tywin lets Tyrion know that no matter how he behaves, he will do his duty as a husband and put a child in Sansa and quickly. Down the table, Lady Olenna mocks her grandchildren Loras and Margaery who will soon be father-in-law and daughter-in-law as well as brother and sister when they marry Cersei and Joffrey. When Sansa steps away from Tyrion, Joffrey takes a moment to torture her one last time, insisting that if Tyrion were unable to put a child in her, perhaps he would do the job for him - pointing out that just because she is married to someone else, makes her no less of a prisoner to him.

Joffrey soon insists upon the bedding ceremony, a tradition where brides are carried off by male guests while their dresses are torn from their bodies and the groom is treated likewise by the female guests. Offended by the notion of his child bride being treated thus, Tyrion threatens Joffrey's manhood and Tywin has to step in to save his son from treason. Tyrion escorts his new bride off to the bedchamber, where he informs her that he will never share her bed unless she asks him to.

Beyond the Wall:

Sam continues trying to keep Gilly and her baby safe, insisting that the boy needs a name. Educating Gilly on the differences between first names and surnames, Sam pleads with her not to name the child after his father when he mistakenly speaks the name. Outside, a massive flock of ravens gather on a large tree squawking loudly like a giant security alarm. When Samwell goes outside to investigate, the birds grow silent. That's when he sees it: a giant White Walker, approaching. Sam attempts to defend himself and his charges, but the White Walker grabs Sams sword which then cracks into a million pieces and then tosses him aside. Reaching for the only weapon he has left - the dragonglass - Sam stabs the White Walker in the back and watches as he falls to his knees and dies, his body crumbling and blowing away in the wind.

Best Character: Tyrion. His performance was amazing this episode.

Best Line: "I am the god of tits and wine." Tyrion

Matt Wins at Game of Thrones

Conversation with the wife after she decided to share this Pinterest Meme with me.

Matt: That's actually pretty cool.

Jia: Yeah but if you think about it, if that's true, it means that we all wanted Ned Stark to die.

Matt: Eh, I'm okay with it.

Jia: What?!

Matt: Wait, is Ben Stark actually dead?

Jia: NED Stark.

Matt: Oh, I thought you said Ben Stark.

Jia: Who the fuck is Ben Stark?

Matt: Benjen Stark. Ned's brother. Oh snap.

Jia: Omg.... you actually schooled me on Game of Thrones.

Matt: Damn right I did.

Remember Everything

I think every blogger out there - if they blog their reality - thinks at some point, "What if 'so-and-so' reads this? What would they say? I'm speaking my thoughts and feelings and my truth, but would they see it as hate or hurtful?" For me those people are my parents.

I bought a Five Finger Death Punch album recently "American Capitalist" and it had this song "Remember Everything" that said a lot of how I've felt so I thought I'd run those lyrics here.

Dear mother, I love you

I'm sorry, I wasn't good enough

Dear Father, forgive me

Cause in your eyes, I just never added up

In my heart I know I failed you, but you left me here alone

If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain?

Cause I remember everything.

If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets?

Cause I remember everything.

But dear brother, just don't hate me

For never standing by you, or being by your side

Dear sister, please don't blame me

I only did, what I thought was truly right

It's a long and lonely road, when you know you walk alone

If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain?

Cause I remember everything.

If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets?

Cause I remember everything.

I feel like running away

I'm still so far from home

You say I'll never change but what the fuck do you know?

I'll burn it all to the ground, before I let you run

Please forgive me, I can't forgive you now.

If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain?

Cause I remember everything.

If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets?

Cause I remember everything.

It all went by so fast; I still can't change the past

I always will remember, everything

If we could start again, would that change the end?

We remember everything.

Songwriter(s): Thomas Jason Grinstead, Zoltan Bathroy, Jeremy Spencer, Ivan Moody 
Copyright: Five Finger Death Punch, Sony/Atv Tunes Llc, Ffdp Music, Sony/Atv Songs Llc

Game of Thrones: The Climb / The Bear and the Maiden Fair

Sincere apologies for being incredibly behind in my recap/review of Game of Thrones. Been sick lately.

Remember, this is not a spoiler-free zone.

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The last few episodes, while lacking in dramatic explosions, violent fights, or surprising scenes have been some of the best character development that I think has gone on this season. There have still been several issues regarding book/show continuity, but I'm not going to bother with that in this recap because it puts such a downer on things when really, this show is amazing and should be celebrated and/or bitched about on it's own, without the book to help with the bitching.

Beyond the Wall:

Samwell and Gilly are on their way back to Castle Black with a baby in tow after fleeing Crasters Keep. Gilly discovers that Sam is high born. He tells her all about the wall, what life is like at Castle Black and he shares with her his "buried treasure", (the dragonglass dagger found last season) and a song from the Seven Kingdoms.

At the base of the Wall, the Wildlings and Jon Snow prepare the 700 foot climb. Ygritte reveals to Jon that she knows where his true loyalty lies (with the Nightswatch) but that they must now be loyal to each other. While climbing the Wall, an avalanche occurs causing many Wildlings to fall. Orell cuts the rope, leaving Ygritte and Jon to fall to their deaths in order to save himself. Jon saves himself and Ygritte and the two eventually make it to the top of the wall with the rest of the surviving Wildling climbers. 

The Wildlings make their way south of the Wall where Orell reveals his true feelings for Ygritte and his hatred of Jon Snow - who he knows is still faithful to the Nightswatch. After seeing a windmill and mistaking it for a castle, Jon realized how little Ygritte knows of the Seven Kingdoms and he tries to get her to abandon the Wildling attack on the Wall, which he claims has failed many times in the last thousand years.

Winterfell:

Ramsay Snow continues his assault on Theon, both physically and mentally as he plays guessing games with the heir of the Iron Islands. Theon proceeds to attempt to guess the name of his attacker, who only lies in response and then flays Theon's fingers, pulling the skin from the bone eventually causing him to beg for the finger to be removed altogether. Later, Theon is awoken by two beautiful women who pretend they don't know what's happening in regards to his torture and captor, but instead stroke his ego (and other things) only to be interrupted by Ramsay once more who insists on having Theon's genitals removed.

North of Winterfell, the Stark boys continue their journey toward the Wall alongside Osha, Hodor ("Hodor!"), Jojen Reed, and his sister Meera who is at continual odds with Osha. After Jojen experiences a seizure in his sleep, the party is shown the severity visions cause and Jojen tells them that Jon Snow is no longer at Castle Black, but surrounded by Wildlings. Later, Osha grows suspicious of the "black magic" that Jojen is teaching Bran, and she becomes outraged when she discovers that the Reeds are planning to take Bran beyond the Wall to find the three-eyed raven. Osha reveals that she once had a man who turned into a Wight and how she had to kill him with fire.

Riverlands: 

While learning bow skills from Anguy, Arya spots Melissandre who has come to speak with Thoros and meet the man who the Lord of Light has brought back so many times, Beric Dondarrion. It's revealed that Melissandre has other reasons for dealing with the Brotherhood and soon she gives coin in exchange for Gendry. After accusing her of being a witch, Melissandre informs Arya that she will take many lives and the two will meet again in the future. Later, as Melissandre's boat crosses Blackwater Bay, she reveals to Gendry the identity of his father: Robert Barratheon. 

Furious that the Brotherhood sold Gendry, Arya makes a run for it when she learns that the men will postpone her delivery to Riverrun in order to attack nearby Lannister forces. Men are sent after her, but not before she is found - and captured - by Sandor Clegane.

Riverrun: 

King Robb and his counsel meet with the Freys to discuss an alliance. The requirements Lord Walder Frey has for Robb include a formal apology, Harrenhal, and for Edmure Tully to marry Roslin, Walder Frey's daughter. 

Edmure, insulted, says he will reject the offer so he can at least choose his own bride, but later agrees to keep the peace in his family by marrying Roslin to make up for his own mistakes in disobeying Robb. Robb, guiltily admits that his uncle is paying for his own sins. Later, during a stop on their way to the Frey-Tully wedding, Talisa tells Robb that she is pregnant.

Harrenhal:

Roose Bolton agrees to send Jaime back to Kings Landing under the agreement that Jaime inform Tywin that Bolton had nothing to do with Jaime being maimed by his men. Jaime is shocked to learn that Brienne will not be coming with him, but is instead being kept as a prisoner for treason against King Robb. Jaime and Brienne part with her finally calling him by his name instead of "Kingslayer" and him vowing to return the Stark girls to their mother. 

When Jaime later discovers that Roose Bolton has left Harrenhal in the hands of Locke while he attends the Frey-Tully wedding, Jaime insists on returning to save Brienne from a fate he himself might have caused by provoking Locke into believing that Brienne's father would pay her worth in sapphires. Once back at Harrenhal, Jaime sees that - for entertainment - Brienne has been tossed into a fighting pit to fight a live bear with nothing but a wooden sword to defend herself. Leaping to aide her, Jaime assists Brienne out of the pit knowing that Bolton's men will keep him safe since their Lord ordered it.

Kings Landing: 

Tywin and Lady Olenna discuss the potential marriage of Ser Loras to Queen Regent Cersei, a match Olenna does not approve of. She admits to knowing about Loras sexual preferences and history, but insists that brother and sister incest is much worse. Tywin offers Olenna one of two options: either have Loras married to Cersei, or he will order for Loras to be moved to the Kingsguard, and have Highgarden's heir lose all his lands, titles, and ability for marriage and procreation, causing Olenna to give in and consent to the marriage.

Tyrion speaks with his sister, both doomed to a marriage neither wants, and learns that it was not her, but Joffrey who ordered his death on Blackwater Bay. After discussing her potential marriage to Ser Loras, Sansa is taken aside with Shae insistingly by her side as Tyrion sadly informs her of the change of plans and that she will now be married to him. While Sansa is comforted by Margaery, Tyrion discusses his future marriage with Bronn, and later learns from Shae that she will not be with him once he's married to Sansa.

Varys meets with Littlefinger who admits to his knowledge of Ros spying on him for Varys, and reveals that he's put an end to it by giving her to Joffrey, who has killed her by using her as target practice for his new crossbow. The wicked little King is later intimidated by his Grandfather when he demands to be involved on the small council. Asking what is being done about Daenerys and her dragons, Tywin insists that there is nothing to be worried about.

Across the Narrow Sea:

Arriving at the borders of the yellow city of Yunkai, Daenerys is advised by her Knights to move on, that the city holds no value to her should they try and take it. Knowing that there are 200,000 slaves inside, Daenerys insists on freeing them. Daenerys demands the city surrender or they will burn like Astapor. 

Seeking peace with the Mother of Dragons, Yunkai sends Grazden mo Eraz to bargain with Daenerys, giving her gifts of gold and ships to help send her on her way back to Westeros.  Dany insists that she give Grazden a gift in return, his life, to which he should use by surrendering the city, freeing the slaves and paying them for their time served. Insulted, Grazden threatens Daenerys and faces the anger of her dragons in reply before storming off.

Best Character: Daenerys, who is really coming into her power and not afraid to use it. Emilia Clarke has shown amazing growth with Daenerys who started out as a tiny, frightened girl and became a Khaleesi, the Mother of Dragons and a breaker of chains. Amazing performance.

Best Line: This whole scene.

Grazen: You are mad. We are not Asapor or Qarth. We are Yunkai. And we have powerful friends, friends who would take great pleasure in destroying you. Those who survive, we shall enslave once more. Perhaps we'll make a slave of you as well!
(Dragon screams)
Grazen: You swore me safe conduct!
Daenerys: I did. But my dragons made no promises, and you threatened their mother. 

14 Already? Only Feels Like 9

When I woke up today I had several ideas on what to put on my blog today so I thought I'd run it past my wife. Here are the events that occurred:

Me: Hey babe, today is the 13th and I want to make sure that I get a third blog post up today so I can still be part of May Blogging Challenge.

Jia: Well I can post my review of the latest Game of Thrones. . . or you can post. . . something.

Me: Well I don't want you to watch Thrones without me.

Jia: Oh, well then you can post . . . today.

Me: I do have a game review or something I can do?

Jia: What's today, Matt?

Me: Monday.

Jia: What happened a long time ago today?

Me: . . . Oh, when we went out yesterday you said its like the 14th Anniversary of when we first started dating.

Jia: Yep that's today. I posted on my blog about it.

Happy Anniversary!

I wouldn't exactly call us "star crossed" as the only hurdle was that I had to break her up with her boyfriend before I could marry her.

 I love you baby! Here's to 14 more!

May the Fourth - Star Wars Day Celebration Recap

Recently the world's most baddest-assed awesome people got together to celebrate something they love.

That's right nerds, May the Forth. 

For those of you not in the know, May the 4th is a celebration where Star Wars fans let their geek flags fly. This year I was happy to count myself among them. My wife, Jia and I held a marathon.  Not your mother's marathon but a fucking bad ass muthafucka marathon. and it all started with a traditional . . . pre-fight DONUT!

(I know that's a different trilogy reference but it belongs on this blog, trust me)

I should warn you, it was hard core.

We viewed the marathon in what has been called "The Machete Cut" which you watch both trilogies, but a better playing order. It goes:

1. Star Wars: A New Hope
2. Empire Strikes Back
3. Attack of the Clones
4. Revenge of the Sith
5. Return of the Jedi. 

For those keeping track numerically that's 4, 5, 2, 3, 6. No Episode 1! No Jar Jar! No midichlorians! Downside though no Qui-Gon Jin and no Darth Maul, but the skipping 1 has no other drawbacks. All the characters that survive Episode 1 are reintroduced at the beginning of 2 so you don't miss out or feel lost. This is supposed to be a superior way to show the movies to someone who has never seen them before, but ended up just being a great way to watch altogether. And we tweeted the whole thing (except for the last two movies cause by then both phones died).

The whole shebang only started with the donuts. I went to a local shop here in Albuquerque called Rebel Donut (if you're a fan of Star Wars you'll get how bad-ass that is). Then we started A New Hope.

Moved into Empire Strikes back without an intermission and took a short break for Subway, then came back and finished Empire.

We started Attack of the Clones and I quickly realized I hadn't watched AoC since it was in theaters, and apparently wasn't paying attention when I did. Damn though Ewan McGregor is a fine ass man, if I swang that way. . . Who am I kidding? I would have no chance.

After watching what seemed like a completely new Star Wars movie, we broke for steak, and huddled back up on the couch for some Revenge of the Sith. Gotta say, I really enjoy some lightsaber action. Watching the terrible Hayden Christensen get his legs chopped off is worth the price of admission. We ended the night with Return of the Jedi, as it should be.

We did have some extra fun along the way, which we will continue next year. We had a few drinking games, but since we were unprepared and didn't have anything to drink it became high-fives. We did so every time someone lost a hand, gave someone "the odds", hit their head on overhanging doors, said "I've got a bad feeling about this" (this actually made my hand ache, it happens A LOT), and a few others.

All in all it was a successful night, long in the making (I bought the series on blu ray in February) despite Jia getting sick and us canceling the party we originally planned (like any first time, it was better just with the two of us.)

Next year everyone reading this is invited.

-ASM out

My Shame

I apologize in advance for any offensive language used herein. 

I feel that if I shy away or hide words, it would falsify my truth.

---

I tend to be someone who stays away from controversy. The "it gets better" videos, Prop 8, voting (as long as popular vote means nothing and our president is elected by electoral colleges, I refuse) but recently, within the last year I feel that my walls have been breaking down. Before I get into who I am now, I feel I owe you a bit of history on who the Amazing Spider-Matt is. I apologize in advance if this gets long windy.

I was born in 1984, to Mormon parents - strict Mormon parents. We never had caffeinated drinks in the house. I had my first Dr. Pepper at a sleepover at a friends house when I was 13. I wasn't allowed to watch PG-13 rated movies until I turned 13, and I was banned from R rated films altogether, (I did sneak and see The Ghost and the Darkness - the murder mystery where the lion did it - when I was 12, double trouble.) I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, so I had to keep all my relationships secret and hidden, resorting to having friends act as lookouts and having girls meet me at male friend's houses. All this subterfuge doesn't really make me sound like a good guy, in fact I was kind of a shit.

The restrictions I had just made me want my freedom all the more. By fifteen years old I had seen over 100 rated R films, smoked pot, and had lost my virginity. I was fucking awesome. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone's (except maybe Katy Morgan's,) but I had been emotionally and mentally stunted by my upbringing and it wasn't until this last year that I knew what a monster I had become.

Last year, June to be exact, I went to my very first comic book convention. ACE (Albuquerque Comic Expo) 2012, and was stunned into realizing - for the first time - who I am. I've always been a gamer, I've always collected comics, but like the song "Going Home" by my favorite band Kirby Krackle, I felt like I was home.

I was in a place fully accepting of me and was 100% behind everything I loved.

I met some minor celebrities, Kevin Sorbo (dick btw) and some major ones like Jason Mewes, Stan Lee, and Kevin Smith. As well as a great voice actor, Tom Kane (Mr. Harriman from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Yoda from the Clone Wars cartoons, and Professor Plutonium from Powerpuff Girls.)

What I immediately knew was that not only was I accepted for what and who I am but oddly enough was accepting of everyone else around me.

I'm sure for most people this sounds like nothing, but for me this was astronomical.

In a form of confession, I was raised to hate gays. I have no excuse. I felt this was normal. I didn't talk about it really, so I didn't associate myself with hate groups. But my hate for everything and everyone who was different was complete.

Recently I found myself crying at stories of people finding themselves, discovering who they were, mostly in comics. A gay marriage in the pages of recent X-Men issues. In one of the new issues of FF, someone found that with their new freedoms they are not male - as previously thought - but female, and they were accepted at face value by their brothers. These come first to mind among true acceptance.

Sexuality was not the only area in which I find my previous actions and thoughts archaic. Years ago I recall telling friends and family that I "liked" racism as long as it was "funny," but I would say the word "nigger" without a second thought, and with malice. These things actually keep me up at night now.

Unfortunately for me, these issues varied and were such a long time ago. Now I don't know who to apologize to - or for that matter - how to begin to apologize. That's why this is here. This blog, though not often viewed, will have to do for now. I'm sorry.

I was asked recently how or why I changed, and honestly it really does come from an epiphany of being accepted. I no longer think in terms of "black and white", which is something I feel I learned from Mormonism. the "if it's not my view, then it is incorrect, evil, and to be cast aside" mentality. I know I put quotes there, but I'm not quoting anything specific it's just the feeling you get behind the teachings. Racism and hate is never okay, and while it wasn't taught in church or at home, it was (for me) an extension of how I felt I'd been taught. Due to this, I no longer attend church despite having a love for those who do - my loving parents included.

Again, to those I hurt directly or indirectly, I apologize. I hope that if this has helped anyone, you choose to let me know.

Thank you for your time and I promise a much less serious post soon.

-ASM out